It's a funny feeling.

Missing someone.
Even when you have not spent actual time with that person for two years.
Seeing that person in a familiar place for a certain period.
Going: 'Oh, you're back home now!'
Talking to that person in the same homey context.
Seeing related people appear at the same place, at the same time.
Without distance barriers. Without time zone differences.
Feeling contented that all your loved ones were contained in the little egg that came out from a machine that needed to be popped with coins to function.
Going: 'Oh, you went out with them today! How was everyone?'
Requesting for song covers to replace the absence of live music.
Looking at that person to spot differences.
Searching for further updates because, well,
It is hard to be apart from people you love. For so long.

I missed someone today.
I missed that person an extra bit.
Just because I could not be there to say:
'Goodbye, take care and don't miss me too much.'

Serviette Notes

Serviette Notes

I might have the same potential as the parent above.

Lord bless the child and whoever's child who stays with me for an extended period of time.

'You are my bacon~ My only bacon~ You make me happy~ When there's no food~ You never notice how much I love you~ So please don't take my bacon away~' Resonating in the four corners of my invisible music box mind.

How light carries on endlessly

This reminded me of people
who have made significant differences in my life;
Thata, who showed persistence in facing adversities. He somehow made us believe that everything will fall into place if one keeps on trying;
Paathi, who talked to us about life's wonders and everything else that mattered or didn't really matter. She told us about her ventures and how the whole world is within reach, even the stars;
Popo, who was still all smiley and loony even when battling her disease. She sprouted amazing ideas and heartfelt fears that one would keep in mind forever.

Each time someone precious leaves this Earth,
I am reminded of
'How rare and beautiful it is to exist.'

And that to be able to exist, is a wonder by itself.
 :')

Independence days of countries

El Salvador's independence day is on 15 September.

Mexico's independence day is on 16 September. Viva Mexico ;)

Malaysia's actual formation is on 16 September too.

It's called Hari Malaysia whereby Sabah and Sarawak as well as Temasik joined the peninsular to form what I now call home.

If these little pieces of land on the map did not join together to become a country, then chances are that my mom and my dad would not have met each other. And I would not have been born. You would not be reading this post. My entire blog would not have been codified in the HTML computer language the way it is now. Things would have been different. For better or for worse, I do not know.

The Australian study break was held a few hours back.

I liked how the presenters acknowledged the Indigenous people of the country and spoke of their music, soul as well as culture. There was an emphasis about how the people were 'sheltered' under the Flora and Fauna Act initially and were deemed to not be able to take care of themselves. A little history time introduced 'the assimilation process' that happened around the 1930's whereby little children were taken away from their families and subsequently taught to forget their roots. The struggle that the people had.

It weighed down the atmosphere too much. I thought that the approach was slightly reprimanding on the current generation of innocent children who are not of indigenous roots. Not that I can't understand the amount of pain and sorrow that were inflicted upon the Indigenous people. On a slight turn, I appreciated how the next presenter said something along these lines: 'Every country has its history. This is part of Australia's history.'

I find that I like Archie Roach's music. ;)

As the Aussies were presenting, I found myself questioning myself about when and how will Malaysians finally be able to talk about the so-called sensitive issues in a transparent and healthy manner. What about May 13, 1969? Why can I not find proper information about it? Why is it still regarded as a taboo? There is this quote by Socrates that used to appear on our history books a few years back that conveys the meaning of: 'Those who forget the past will surely repeat it again.' Or something of that sense.

There is another quote by him that goes: 'There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance.' And we Malaysians are currently living in a whole lot of ignorance. Not to say that other parts of the world are not but we should measure ourselves against ourselves. There has been a change in mindset of the people, especially with widespread internet usage. However, a sheep herded society formed from years of weird education policies conveys a bigger threat to the progress of the nation with the random usage of technology. What's worrying is that the balancing scale of people who think and agree versus people who follow and agree is heavily weighted to one side. For the time being.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.- Murakami

Plans for the summer break

I wanted to volunteer for Taronga Zoo
but the job scope extends way too long into next year.

I have decided to spend my summer back at home.
Things to do:
1. Get myself checked.
2. Work part time in a kindergarten or something.
3. Start up an on-line craft store with my siblings.
4. Illustrate a children's book for the little ones.
5. Understand how to utilise the share market.

For self-satisfaction drives success.
And these sort of stuff interest me.
More than any other things for the time being.

And ...
6. Take pictures of people who matter.
7. Change my ancient phone.

Don't get caught in the net.

What I love about Malaysia.

There's this competition that's being held for a Malaysian Festival that's coming up end of this month.

I figured that I'll blog about it since the competition deadline is closed any ways.

I love our foodie culture.
I love how people make trips from Seremban to Johor
just for a simple bowl of Laksa.
I love how there's always a place to eat no matter what the time is.
I love how no one expects you to leave immediately
after you have finished you Teh Tarik.
I love how people gather together to watch Dato' Lee Chong Wei
for his matches.
I love how the view remains the same,
with images of banana trees and wooden houses flashing by
on my train rides to Kuala Lumpur from Seremban.
I love how we call people we do not know so endearingly:
MakCik, Kak, Anna, Macha, Auntie, Uncle, Popo.
I love how the faint buzz from the lights of the night market plays in the background whilst cries of bargains and the scent of food fill the warm humid air around people.
I love how people can converse with each other
using a language invented by Malaysians, for Malaysians.
I love how most of my family members are still there,
waiting for me to get back home so that they can cook for me.
I love how beautiful Malaysia is,
with its tropical jungles, amazing beaches and calm hills.
I love how Malaysia still has rational thinking people even after years of the implementation of an ever-changing wonky education system that never fails to astound parents.
I love how people are so positive with our blueprints, budgets and economic plans even if they might not be too realistic.
I love how the caring bus driver in Rasah Jaya talks to the oldies and makes sure that they sit properly before he starts moving.
I love how certain people never give up in even the most hopeless situations by writing emails to non-responsive authorities and eventually achieving something out of it.
I love how my niece can speak three different languages
fluently at 5 years old.
I love how there's a unity in people
to condemn opinions that are absurd and childish.
I love how the country is nestled between two neighbouring countries that guarantees it nearly invincible protection from natural disasters.

There's so many things that I love about Malaysia.
I could go on and on.
With tiny breaks in between.

Even though people have started to become ignorant to racial aptness
and insensitive to each other's wants,
by delineating actual meritocracy with a show of political power play;
Even though people have portrayed the country badly
on the international stage;
Even though trees are being chopped down at an alarming rate,
causing intense heat trap in certain areas of the country;
Even though crime rates have been reported to be down and I suspect that it is because people have not been reporting crimes as they should have;
Even though locally produced professionals
have earned my distrust in their skills;
Even though I get disheartened and disappointed by
news of the country from time to time;
I still think that Malaysia is amazing.

However contradictory that may sound.

To be or not to be

To be a doormat or not to be.
To be a jerk or not to be.
To be a pleaser or not to be.
To be a creator or not to be.
To be an artist or not to be.
To be a student or not to be.
To be a child or not to be.

And the list goes on and on.

What exactly does it mean to be a doormat?
If it gives you joy bringing happiness to people
by going an extra mile for them
because you know, that it will somehow make their day
then would that consist of a doormat behaviour?
Or would you only start to be a doormat
when you start expecting reciprocation from people
whose well-beings are no longer your concern?

I had fun at dance practice today.

I miss my person who's in Texas dearly.
Thank you for crying in my stead,
sacrificing time trying to figure out transportation issues,
thinking of me wherever you go,
stocking up my supplies whenever it ran low,
crashing my bed when you could not not sleep any more,
being my running partner and sing-a-long team,
accompanying me to the duck pond.

And the list goes on.

I will continue to be what I want to be.
To be.
And not to be.

The Dialogue session

I tagged along to my friend's event today.
It was about Christianity and knowing God better.

I met this fellow who was a twin
of this other person that I knew.
He was surprised that I didn't go:
'You must be joking, man.'
when he told me that he was more than that person's friend.
I guess I have evolved into a more gullible/
less assumptions sort of person.
Which is what I have been working towards.
So woots to me!

There was this story from Luke 18:9-14.
It was about a Pharisee (akin to a monk) who thought that he was better than other people since he was good. It was also about a tax collector (someone deemed bad by the olden society, linked to corruption) who said: 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' Thereafter, it was deemed that the tax collector had a right relationship with God.

Apparently, Jesus died on the cross
to bear all humanity's sins
so that all of his creations could avoid eternal judgement;
for if we were to bear our own sins, we would be condemned to eternal judgement,
a sentence once laid, can never be taken back again and will lay amongst the fires of hades.
Hence, everyone was salvaged and given a second chance then.

I like the concept of trust that was elaborated on.
Trust in God (am going to exclude the do not place too much trust in yourself part out.)
Trust means believing in another.
Something that I have come to find, difficult to do.

There was this one question that was quite thought provoking:
If you died and went up to heaven, wherever that is,
and God asked you:
'Why should I let you in?'
What exactly would be your answer?

Well, I'll probably give him a stroke with my reply:
'Well, can you tell me why instead? You know better. Should I be let in?'

According to a few others,
you can't accidentally stumble upon God.
It doesn't work that way, they say.
So this means that even if I strive to do my best in life
by being as humane as I can without ulterior motives,
living life with a slight consent to the notion of a superior being,
I would not be able to unintentionally form a subconscious relationship with the One, would I?
Hmm.

People say that God is forgiving and just.
God is slow to anger, and has abundant love for everyone.
However, why is there such a punishment as eternal judgement where one can never be saved even if he or she repents then?
Doesn't everyone deserve more than a second chance?

I like Praying by Mary Oliver.
It doesn't have to be the blue iris,
it could be weeds in a vacant lot,
or a few small stones;
Just pay attention
then patch a few words together
and don't try to make them elaborate;
this isn't a contest but the doorway into thanks,
and a silence in which another voice may speak.