Missing people.

missing people.

i don't mean to mislead you by saying that the

missing people = kidnap victims.

what i meant to convey was this:

i. am. missing. people whom i have come across.

from your smiles, to meaningless jokes, weird talks, sporadic paranoia, quarrels over who's going to get the next round of teh tarik, the term purple juice, being teased about my not-so-clear sexual orientation, generous donations of food from quite a few of you, finding my other perfect fit of a family...

and the list goes on.

i want to say that i'll remember all of you.

however, i would be telling a lie.

i forget many information, what i did when i was a child,

my primary and secondary school friends' names, likings;

what i remember:

the joy and happiness of having met you.

the perplexity of having to mix around with people.

the random frights i had due to cat attacks.

the grateful feeling when i was fed by you.

the frustrated, deep in my heart, i want to stab you urge because of something irritable.

the hungriness of the dark lazy nights.

in short, i remember emotions.

I, thank you, for all the wonderful emotions/memories. :3

phy p5.

16.11.11. wednesday.

screwed up my question two.

every single time sir passed by my desk,

he waved his head.

NO!NO!NO!

at first it was my calculations.

then it was my graph. because half of my uncertainties were wrong.

and then....

it was the restriction of time.

FASTER!FASTER!FASTER!

saya ibarat bangkai haiwan

yang sedang terapung-apung

di lautan yang luas.

digaring matahari.

dibaham burung gagak.

i know its grammatically wrong, but yeah.... >.<"

A random chat.

15.11.11. at around 2p.m.

Before my mandarin essay part exam.

Visited the loo as usual.

however, there was the 'cleaning in progress' board.

so i waited outside the toilet, and asked the auntie

whether i could use the toilet.

she saw my spotless sandals and said:

why not, your shoes very clean mah.

some people ah, they come in with dirty shoes,

then my boss will scold me

because he will think that i didn't do my work.

This place ah, one other auntie cleans.

a 50 year-old auntie. but she has problems.

i, even though i'm 55 years old, am still very healthy.

because i eat traditional food.

same like my mother and sister.

'' food for healthiness, healthiness for food. ''

she's a singaporean citizen who married a malaysian,

when she was 21 years old. she has a 36-year-old son

and a 14-year-old granddaughter.

according to her, people should get married early

so that the latter part of their lives would be,

less burdensome.

most of her sisters are married to indians. from india ah.

she's in charge of her cleaning team over here,

and greets her people with a smile.

(so that there are less mistakes made by them)

others to her: wah, wajah berseri hari ini! :)

she says that if she has a problem,

she solves it that day itself,

and that's the secret to her happiness.

some time later, i told her that i had to leave.

my exam was starting soon.

she told me to eat lots of bendi= ladies finger,

and pray to krishna? o.0?

i was like: auntie, shouldn't it be saraswathy ah? XD

after my exam, i went to get some food from the canteen.

guess what?

i actually listened to her, and got myself some bendi. haha.

mistaken for shaLINI.

yesterday. approximately 12.40 p.m. inti.

was rushing to be quarantined. walking on the pavement.

then suddenly, there was a shout: SHALENEE!

and so, i turned. to find: no one.

i continued rushing. woosh woosh.

there was this shuffling of footsteps, and then appeared this fellow:

did any of your relatives come to see you last thursday?

i was perplexed. did anybody drop by my place last week?

or any other weeks? o.0?

that fellow: because i just came to know that i have a cousin, named shaLINI, doing a-levels here.

then, it hit me.

me: oh, there's another SHALINI.

thin, specks, long straight hair...

... ... ... ... =.=" ... ... ... ...

i now have the fear of people coming up to me

and telling me that they're my relative.

lord knows that i have a whole bunch of them

that i find hard to keep track of.

and i know, that some of them, i don't know.

how scary is that?!

is your name shalenee?

well, i have a relative by that name. =.="

there are too many shalinis' around. its confusing.

aja-aja fighting!

every single time i turn on my laptop,

there's this inner struggle within me...

that turns vicious after a few hours. minutes even.

To let it be, or not to let it be...

at this desperate hour, my fight begins yet again.

and hopefully, aikks, there's no space for hopefulness,

self-motivation! get to work!

i demand you, yes you,

to obey my orders!!! specifically mine and none other.

-0-

tomorrow's my statistics exam.

anxious to do well since my maths went awry.

Written in the stars or not,

I will do it. *0*

and what do i post about again?

the same thing that's been stagnant for about a month in my life.

EXAMINATIONS. =.="

paathi

after paathi cracked her second toe,

we forced her to stay in our house (a piece of flat ground).

surprisingly, more than a week has gone by

without her asking us to bring her back to the shop.

even though we still haven't installed astro yet.

so people who know me,

know that i talk to my paathi in malay.

yeps. just like an indonesian maid. XD

anyways, from my conversations with her,

i was provided with useful information.

paathi prefers mushrooms over tofu.

paathi uses hot water to wash her clothes.

paathi prays for two hours non-stop in the prayer room.

paathi eats the junk ( cottage fries) that i give her.

paathi loves soft (konyasi) basmati rice.

paathi has lots of inside information about people.

(questionable truth values, but they're good stories to listen to) :P

paathi usually eats 3 thosais at one go.

paathi watches p. ramlee movies with delight.

paathi says there's this other actor who passed away early that she likes.

paathi also knows that p. ramlee's wife has passed away.

paathi uses the word "keras", instead of "ketat".

paathi used to buy 1 ela kain yang banyak baik, bunga-bunga untuk anak-anak. (deepavali)

our washing machine at home was bought by thata

because at that time, saroja atte was doing all the washings by herself.

it is about 28 years old. (mithraka's age)

now i know its value. :P

it can stay at home until it thoroughly breaks down.

nothing much.

i don't really know what to post about.
hmm.... so.... so.... so?
how're you doing?
me?
oh well, i've been expanding and being wonderfully lazy.

yesterday, my friend and i were discussing about...
the possibility of a multi-coloured hacks sweet.
( guna gula-gula hacks hack komputer orang lain)
but i have a feeling that it'd look black,
because of its many many colours all lumped together.

i figured out a part of life's principles:
treat golden-aged people as how you would treat tiny children.
for children, you nurture them.
for elderly people, you cherish them.
for... the rest of them, well, you treat them okay? ;P

My Ma.

every entity is a complex being.

no person can be summarised with just words.

plain old, descriptive yet somewhat lacking in essence, words.

yet, words are only what i have right now.

therefore,

(in order to conserve energy)

i hereby note just a sentence:

my ma is a very special human being.

(at the age of 56, she still can:

be deceived by the likes of computer graphics;

believe in the metamorphosis of humans,

be bribed by a dessert of mouth-watering ice-cream.)

<3 ma, you're one of a kind. ^v^

to: Dai & Tony

may the both you:

live life lovingly.

become endearing parents.

survive through my nieces'/nephews' teenage years.

sail through middle age crises.

enjoy each other's company.

grow a head full of silver together.

:P

p.s: i still haven't gotten Dai

registered as MARRIED in my brain yet.

XD

On the phone with TONY

TONY: hi.

ME : hey tony.

i don't really know what to say to you. haha. =.="

well, how are you?

TONY: fine.

ME : how's my dad treating you?

TONY: he's treating me very well.

ME : oh okay then.

I will be coming back this friday. Friday afternoon.

See you then. :)

TONY: Friday afternoon?

ME : yep. around 3 something?

TONY: okay. Remember to come back.

ME : haha. don't worry. i will.

can you pass the phone to my dad?

sweat. =.="

this was how my first phone conversation

with my first (Future) brother-in-law went. >.<"

p.s:

they ate sizzling tofu,

and i forgot what-nots in Cooking Master.

yesterday, they forgot about poor me

and went to kensington.

T^T i want my apple crumble pie!!!

i need to study, but when i look at the papers,

nothing goes into my biological computer!

what to do~? what to do~? i. NEED. help. *0*

nah. i will flip through my notes tomorrow.

since the day after's my maths and stats paper. XD =.="

i have lots to post, ranging from topics like religion,

freedom of gender expression, food,

my sister's reception preparation...

but i'm not going to do it now.

i'm going to attempt: STUDYING. :D wish me luck.

oh time -0-

at times like these,

i wish that beauty continued to slumber,

that calendars didn't exist,

and shadows were not used to pinpoint the hours...

i feel as though i have been robbed of time.

at a blink of an eye, one week has passed,

with me having done next to nothing. >.<"

well, i may have gained some weight lah. =.="

Should i move to Antarctica?

dump my watch in the icy pool of water there

and pretend that time is at a standstill?

*wishful ThinKinG

wishful thinking is THE answer.

... ... ... ... ...

wishful thinking is YOUR answer.

... ... ... ...

wishful thinking is MY answer.

... ... ... ...

argharghargharghargharghargh

WHY is there so little time?!

(runs around like a headless chicken)

(knocks into the wall like a rabid dog)

(wails)

Study! Shalenee, STUDY!

=.="

For This Person

It's hard:

to see someone struggling so hard

for another person.

to hear someone crying so broken-heartedly

out of love and concern.

to see someone being disappointed time after time,

yet, never giving up, never walking away...

It hurts so

that my heart aches

my vision gets blurry

a fur ball threatens to choke me

until finally, wetness moistens my cheeks.

As my chin falls to my chest

heaving meticulously with my ragged breaths,

i send a silent prayer

to wherever God may be:

For this person.

Cats. -0-

I took these.
Don't ask me why.
~.~"

hmm...

now that i think of it,
how did i get stuck in a situation
where i was teaching my ma
that solely pointing her middle finger at a person
meant "F" you universally?

and that the hand gesture that asians use
when they're asking you: " have you eaten?"
is equivalent to the pointing of the middle finger in italy.
>.<"

what were we talking about again...?
hmm...

Matluthfi

introduced to me by puroter through facebook,
i fervently watched all of his videos.
and i mean it. all of them.
i found them downright hilarious,
with meaningful messages inscribed within.

this one especially:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Id7joaec8mk&feature=related

" At the age of five,
I was admitted to the hospital
to undergo an open heart surgery;
because i had like... a hole in my heart,
so it needed to be closed with something.

During those days in the ward,
my Ma did something that will forever last in my memory.
Something a 5- year- old kid couldn't do, nor comprehend.
She cried for me. "

" I've always known that my ma loves me,
but i will never know how much. "

Selamat Hari Raya! :D

or... Eid Mubarak :3

may everyone enjoy a blessed festival

with ketupat, steaming lemang and tender rendang.

most importantly,

have fun with your family and friends.

oh and,

maaf zahir dan batin, ya? XD

Stand Out Mini Charity Show 2011.

It all happened so fast.

From the thought of actually setting up

a charity show together with my friend ( 3 weeks ago ),

to deciding on executing it, getting performers,

finding a home to donate to, later actually performing for the crowd...

gosh, none of this would have been realised if it was not for mshyuan.

( heard from her mom that she didn't sleep well for 2 weeks >.<)

Sleep properly ah friend! *0*

It was extremely fun,

even though the microphones were not working properly,

( now we know why people rent expensive sound systems =.=" )

besides the fact that i made a whole lot of blunders while emceeing. ;3

Luckily, the crowd was oh so supportive.

i'm very grateful to those who

supported and contributed to this event! ^0^

Thank you! Terima Kasih! Arigatou! Xiexie! Nandri! Gracias!

and... guess what?

i got dyi to sing solo, and she NAILED IT!! woots~ XD

her songs were: I'll Stand by You & Stopping The Love.

We managed to raise a total amount of RM1,428.

from delicious cupcakes, cute cookies and heavenly puddings sold

+ the very VERY GENEROUS donations. <3

i think we'll be visiting the home the day after. =3

oh gosh,

i still can't believe i emcee-d the way i emcee- d.

Malunya aku. swt. =.=" haha.

The weepies

:")

All you need

is a little faith,

and a lot of heart...

Sweetheart.

Stars.

:")

Quotes that remind me of Pa. =3

I think pa brought us up,

using these few quotes as guidelines.

Even though i doubt that he has ever glimpsed them before,

since he used to read the Tom Clancy kind of books,

and all he reads now are Dalai Lama books. =P

Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is.

Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.

( Jimmy Johnson )

If i were asked to give what i consider

the most useful bit of advice for all humanity,

it would be this:

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes,

hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say,

' I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'

( Ann Landers )

Above all else,

never think you're not good enough.

( Anthony Trollope )

She's TWO!!!

i don't know why...

but i'm actually feeling old.

>.<"

anyways,

happy birthday AJ!

i love you. <3

the Ghost month *0*

it's 2nd of august today.

the seventh month of the lunar calendar

has just started rasping its fingers on my flimsy wooden door.

What bothers me most is:

The hungry ghost festival. >.<"

People praying at street corners,

left over mock paper money flying all over places,

tiny hidden dolls left for toddlers of the other world to play with.

Soon, the basketball court near my house will be

transformed into a happening hang out ground.

Not long after, performers will start karaoke- ing

for the dead until the wee hours of the dark.

All because of the opening of THE majestic gates of hades.

With me sacrificing some sleep

for the entertainment of our invisible friends ... and ancestors.

Goodbye toilet trips in the middle of the night.

For i fear the unseen and have no interest in seeing them.

*^*

aih. ... ... =.=" stay away sleepless nights. *0*

Ground yourself, imagination.

Abstain from unwanted creepy stories.

even if it means running out of my friend's room

upon hearing the word "karak". >.<"

Having Sisters.

joce asked me a question the other day:

What's it like, having sisters?

When i was young,

it meant extra barbie dolls to experiment with!

cutting their hair, washing it, breaking their body parts,

god was i scary. >0<

Anyways, growing up,

it meant more bickering, shouting and giving cold shoulder treatments.

There's always this phase where siblings fight i guess.

At least the normal ones do. :P

Nowadays, they get me girlie stuff.

Dresses, lip balms, earrings,

things of the sort that i still keep locked in my closet.

However, i appreciate their efforts.

So once in a while,

when they ardently ask me to do something out the ordinary,

i do it. just like that. *0*

P.s: now i know what an epilator looks like. 0o0

nights are sometimes filled with bed time talks.

discussing various questions regarding ourselves, life,

frequently piecing up weird, yet important puzzles.

We quarrel a lot.

Yes, there are many disagreements.

( with me thinking, =0= doinks. )

At the end of the day, though,

We care for each other,

and still love one another.

That's how it works i think.

This whole siblings thing. <3

This applies to my dear cicak- who's of no gender. =3

Boredom -0-

the flower looks carefree.

i'm guessing that,

the creature overlooking it may most probably,

be its guardian.

a capsule of warmth, anyone?

:D

Fate? o.0

According to periappa,
all of us are born,
supposedly,
with a certain task in hands.
All we need to do,
is to execute them well.
And...
When it's time for us to leave,
we leave.
Without regrets.

However,
how do we know what to do,
when and how to do it?
Thinking back,
my ma once said:
It's all fate.

To many of us:
It's a mystery yet to be solved.

Thus,
some of us follow our brains,
while others,
follow their hearts,
trying to do our utmost best in life.

:3

Genetically Tied.

Who would have thought...

that they were from the same family? :P

Acceptance.

In the process of understanding human beings,

I have come to a conclusion...

that all peaceful interaction lies with acceptance.

From small things that don't bite:

Scraping food remains off your teeth.

Asking silly questions out of curiosity.

To bigger things that matter:

Fighting for basic human rights.

Severe disputes between countries.

We quarrel and we fight.

We point fingers and shout names.

We do nothing short of these.

When everything can be solved,

by accepting everything.

Good or bad.

And figuring a way out to solve our differences.

Because:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,

kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Against such things there is no law.”

Galatians 5.22-23

It doesn't mean that:

you're losing your identity by accepting everything.

It just means that:

you're carving yourself into becoming a better person.

I guess. :3

Captain Starfish?!

i hereby present,

according to my room mate:

Captain Starfish! >.<"

although i'd rather it be called:

Super Commander Pirate. Alien.

my brain's been running weird lately.

haha, i guess you can see that from this picture.

>.<" i can't even formulate a clear sentence.

i say something, get stuck, and then get confused.

all by myself.

how smart.

BRAIN!!! >0<"

okay, this is what happens

when i want something to blog about,

but have no inspiration to write about. ="3

p.s: i miss cupcakes.

dyi, if you're reading this, please get me some. *v*

I love you oh so much.

i guess i miss dai too.

dai, remember to bake me some when you come back.

one with a blue base.... and...

yellow stars!!! XD

vik, i'll learn to bake and give you some as your birthday present.

hah. ;O

Samuel Effron

" Your beauty could never be reflected

on a lousy piece of glass.

You are your beauty and you define your beauty.

Society doesn't define it for you.

I repeat, you yourself define beauty for yourself.

Instead of living in the world's idea of beauty,

I want you to live in your own definition of beauty."

I like his thinking.

This Samuel Effron. ;3

Everyone's beautiful.

I wonder...

What was Hitler's kind of beauty?

... ...

I guess there were many sadistic ones?

hmm...

an Experiment.

i was looking through the web for natural conditioner remedies,

when i finally found one, that the ingredients, i need not hunt.

thus i went with the:

Half a mashed banana with olive oil (as much needed for hair)

Do not, i repeat, 0o0

DO NOT ever try this out.

the remains of the banana stuck to my hair

even after 3 times of shampooing.

i had to use my strawberry yoghurt wax

to soften my very stiff hair. >.<"

lots of hair strands were sacrificed,

in attempt of cleaning my head thoroughly.

(so that ants won't eat me off while i'm sleeping)

Do NOT ever try this "natural conditioner" out.

even if you have lots of free time and nothing to do. *0*

:DD

I've been revived.

Woots~!

by the trees, and the moon, and my dear insects.

all thanks to evening walks. and night gazing.

i love everything about you, walks. <3

for the past few weeks,

i have been a pickle headed person.

0o0 yep, i know what i was.

nevertheless,

no worries. for...

I. Am. Back! :DD

心

悄悄的我走了,

正如我悄悄的来,

我挥一挥衣袖,

不带走一片云彩.

徐志摩 <再别康桥>

真想学学他的洒脱...

至少能释怀得比较轻松.

可是, 我偏偏就是这副死德行, 牛脾气.

不知何时自己才能真真放开对世界的怨恨及不满呢?

嗯, 应该... 要很久吧.

原谅人, 是一科深澳的学问.

体谅人, 也何尝是个容易掌握的人性?

心, 住着许多捣蛋的小恶魔, 丑陋极了.

请问,

我麻木的心还跳动着吗?

我感受不到你的温度了.

你还存在吗?

好想跟你约个时间会一会.

我极度的想念你.

请你...

再度出现吧...

快一点儿...

我... 等不及了.

the Sky + a Father's day tribute (Gil Scott-Heron)

from home.
the sky was of an orange hue today.
like marmalade spread. waiting to be chomped.

from my hostel.
the sky's normally painted pink.
like raspberries? or maybe, strawberry jello-s?

different degrees of pollution.
creating two separate but equally beautiful paintings.
God, am i crazy... ... >.<" ... ...



here's a poem, shared by my sister on facebook,
for the upcoming father's day:

"As the proud father of at least one of each of the two possibilities, let me tell you this:
90% of all men seem to want a man-child if pressed into picking one.
Believe me, 'to heir is human, but little girls are divine.'
You will never have any experience that compares to the way little girls are and how devoted they are to you.

Their love comes totally without reservation

Without pretense or nonsense, a brand new sensation

Little girls trust their fathers through all situations

This is how the dreams of an ultimate destination.

Maybe they don't know how they link generations

And carry your immortality on to yet another station

But somehow they must hear and feel god's vibrations

And know that you are their connection to creation."

~Gil Scott-Heron.-RIP-

even when little girls mature into young adults, with their wings all grown and spread out, ready to fly, i doubt that things would ever change.

a Bug in my Head.

One step back,

into the fire... ...

OR;

One step forward,

to be eaten by the slug?

yogis'

what do yogi's do,

when they're not meditating?

i wonder if they ever take a break from meditation.

it seems unlikely.

imagine, sitting fabric-less in the cold mountains of himalaya,

doing absolutely nothing but meditating.

eating nothing. drinking nothing.

i think they breathe. 0o0.

astral- viewing, soul projection, time travelling... ...?

fun? no fun? something like retrospection?

hmm... ...

exams.

tomorrow's my bio paper 2 exam.

today was my phy practical paper.

had an extreme value for the graph and

i smartly forgot to ensure that i read the question thoroughly.

but, the results would have ended up roughly the same anyways.

LUCKILY :3

so yeap,

am going to start studying soon.

delaying the process by blogging.

bio should be fun since i remember things.

unlike my Kc question,

which i should have included water...

(only pure liquids and solids are excluded)

am holding onto this until the day i die. 0o0.

aih. i am such a pig.

but i'll try to use my brain properly

in search of accurate, logical answers.

it should be fine.

it will be fine. :")

Delusion is a human's greatest strength and weakness.

just like hope.

and so we hope.

and delude ourselves.

Questions

do not doubt yourself.

even though what you never know won't hurt you ( Hayley Westerna ),

but if you don't even try,

then what differentiates you, as a person?

:"D

thinking of a card i received sometime back,

there's this question that i still think about:

What would you attempt to do

if you knew you could not fail?

And...

If you had to choose

between invincibility and vulnerability,

which would be your choice?

*0* just curious.

ps: today's math paper was fun.

thank you for the wishes people.

here's an alien's appreciation ( ^3^)

hyperbole and a half

I. AM. a Fan. of.

HYPERBOLE AND A HALF.

:D

www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com

-0-

A tribute to Mr. Ong Kim Koon.

I shall remember you

as the person who saved strangers' lives without obligation

even though it meant risking your own neck.

I'm devastated that this world lost another one of its good inhabitants.

However, I'm sure there are hidden samaritans out there too.

Thus, my objective to treat everyone right.

as right as i can do. ="3

but i don't have enough time to do so.

i've been over looking things that i notice,

having mood swings for no apparent reason,

okay, there is a reason,

i'm officially undergoing my teenage phase now.

i think. >.<"

Lalala :3

Just felt the need to blog.

Even though i have no doubt that this act i'm doing,

typing out words that appear on the laptop's screen,

is actually a lunatic's way of talking to herself. >.<"

my dear friend,

i find the library a nice place to be at,

when you forgo the coldness and people in there.

I just read the newspaper today.

it felt as though i was flexing my brain neurons for the first time, in a long long time.

okay, i admit it, i'm exaggerating. XD

What's with the world these days?

People not sleeping,

People walking around like zombies,

People getting sick,

People afraid of getting sick.

In conclusion, queer ducks are all around me.

Eh? I'm one of the ducks too. =.="

I find that i'm missing Trini and Shary a lot.

I wonder what are they doing right now?

Sleeping, most probably.

I have a question bugging me:

Why do educated people act like village folks?

there's no point in further education,

when in reality, we're regressing quite a bit.

might as well just sit in the paddy fields,

looking at them as they turn from green to gold,

every single day.

at least then, no harm would be caused.

Newton's 3rd Law: no trigger no consequence.

but still, the world would be at a stand-still forever then.

and people would be looking at each other with blank expressions...

okay, i know i'm going way back into the stone age already.

so i better stop myself before i humiliate my brain even more.

ciao. :3

at the pantry

Joce was reading at the pantry today.

unfortunately, my radar sensed her,

and thus, her studying session was disrupted.

we were yapping non- stop.

i forgot the contents.

if there were anything significant at all. >.<"

after some time, i wanted to go away.

i got up.

joce got up too.

and guess what, or rather whom we saw from the pantry?

someone we knew!

with another person that was quite intimate with the mentioned person.

and we craned our necks.

like we were having our one and only shot at looking at a baboon.

the person looked up all of a sudden.

i safely presume, that we, were caught red handed.

both of us agilely ducked out of view.

unable to resist the temptation,

we peeked again.

this time i felt as though

joce and i were akin to aunties busy- bodying,

prying into other people's business.

we thought that the person wouldn't look up again.

but the person did look up, again,

only to catch us staring intently yet again.

quickly, we shortened our necks... like what tortoises do,

and slipped down the wall like melted butter.

crap. XD.

the recovery stage

due to certain circumstances and symptoms,

i was convinced that i was going crazy.

therefore, i started stalking puroter.

i went on facebook, msn messenger and skype. gtalk even.

finally after a day's worth of hunting,

puroter was seen. and caught.

XD

and there i went,

ranting about my stubborn brain and its laziness.

about its kiasu-ness and fears.

i yapped and yapped... and yapped.

fortunately, old wise puroter gave some sound advice

that brought me back to the realms of sanity.

quote from puroter:

STOP

THINKING ABOUT

WHAT YOU CAN'T DO,

OR HOW HARD IT IS.

JUST DO IT.

i was awed by the words that appeared on the screen.

and at that particular instant,

i believed i could fly. ^0^

any ways, i love you, puroter.

a lot a lot a lot.

puroter:

thou art the sun,

illuminating the world;

hath we lose you,

all appears grey as the stormy sky

forms droplets of needles.

okay. i have no idea what i'm talking about.

but rest be assured that I AM BACK.

:DDDD

another quote from puroter:

the only way to live

is to NEVER GIVE UP.

aja- aja fighting puroter!

i will always stand by you.... behind you.. in front of you...? XD

the black hole syndrome.

i think i have issues.

for some reason, i have switched off my room lights,

and am typing in the dark.

is this a pre- craziness symptom,

i wonder... ... 0o0

i find that i contradict myself a lot.

my brain, my own brain,

doesn't follow my heart's commands.

what sort of a brain are you, brain?!

listen to me!!!

i've been bugging myself.

my brain's been bugging me.

this is my current situation.

guilt from not having finished revising,

guilt for not being happy enough to study,

guilt from whacking vanilla ice- cream with shandy, dark chocolates and wafers,

guilt for wasting so much time trying to entertain myself,

but failing to do so.

i don't want to be an adult. *^*.

Hehe.

so yeap,

i changed my blog's skin.

thought of what my friend said.

finally decided to make this more "ME".

:") hopefully it doesn't pose much pain to your eyes.

drew this at around 10.

with just one motive.

to make a person happy.

p.s: i find it quite pretty.

suspicion.

0.0
i feel as though a parasite has invaded me.

turning me void, of soul and myself.

i look at people.

i still am able to see that they, too, face problems.

but somehow, i now lack the initiative to comfort.

too self- absorbed in my own blues.

or rather, not thinking at all.

this is rather an unsightly outcome.

i don't want to be like this.

thus, i shall prevent myself from becoming a pig-headed person.

stop, shalenee. stop.

stop this seemingly unstoppable transformation.

become shalenee back again.

it can't be that hard to be yourself, can it?

:3

something prajesh posted:

i'd rather be hated for who i am,

than loved for who i'm not. ( Kurt Cobain )

but i'm currently not me,

and i highly doubt the others liking me part

when i myself don't like my attitude now.

so, shalenee, please come back soon. thank you~

:"D

me. today. tomorrow.

i have too little time.

thus, i resort to laziness in the physical side.

my brain's still relatively empty.

that's a worry.

i'm spending quite a considerable amount of time doing homework.

now, i'm forced to revert back to my primary school days.

life is, well, life.

hopefully, i will be motivated enough tomorrow,

to get myself a decent dinner.

no more maggi. or coco crunch.

i definitely, do not want to be a mummy.

even though i kind of like the dark.

dear animals of my house and school,

i miss all of you. T^T.

about 2 weeks to trials. that little days left.

and yet... i'm slogging through my homework, instead of actually revising.

i shall start chemistry soon. :3

let me say this: i like chemistry. love even.

and most importantly, i trust my brain.

brain, thank you for your help all these times.

i look forward to more of your fabulous performances.

A state of Mind.

A mere listener?

i wonder...

if people actually listen.

to other people.

to themselves.

i find that we often tend to express our own opinions,

rather aggressively upon others,

just to satisfy our own egos.

to think of it: who really cares?

we're too busy trying to butt in into another's problem,

too busy voicing out our voices,

and therefore, left with too little time for contemplation.

and what do we ponder about,

during the scarce hours of absolute silence?

most of the times, it's about our regrets.

a sadly true fact.

well, its a blade that has two ends.

reflecting on our actions might bring enraged mood swings.

however, it is also a humane trait that allows space for improvements.

so i guess, we reflect.

and i hope, that we try, at least try, to listen.

without prejudice and cussedness.

mr. liam, my chemistry teacher said this in class:

i'd rather be blind and see with my heart.

is there such a thing as:

i'd rather be deaf and listen with my heart?

i am still prejudiced.

even after many years of reflection.

i wonder:

can a human truly be unbiased?

i hope so.

^0^

today, nalla went to the temple.

when she came back, she saw me, and asked:

" do you go to the temple? "

i said yes.

she left.

shortly after, she came back with a beetle-nut leaf.

a red- stained leaf of kunkumam.

i think that is how people spell it.

and well, she put it for me.

hahaha.

i don't know why. but i just feel really happy.

this is:

happiness in simplicity. i guess.

:")

Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. ~ G.B. Stern

i hereby express my gratefulness to the people around me,

the people i've gotten to know,

lord knows i've been taught many things by them,

the way life has turned out,

the assurance of waking up for another day of franticness,

and anticipating new experiences.

i'm grateful to myself too. :D

for being able to look at myself,

squarely in my face, and tell myself:

" i like you." and smile.

and feel satisfied about it.

thank you, living things,

and thank you, self. xoxo.

A bored post.

lalala.
lalalala.
lalalalala.

what did i do today?
nothing.

what did i see today?
nothing much either.

what did i eat today?
hmm...
bread for breakfast, maggi for lunch, kaya puff for tea time, toast with cheese, baked beans, sausages and a carton of HL milk for dinner.
:3

what am i going to do tomorrow?
well...
we'll talk about it tomorrow. XD.

for the people of Japan

well, what do people say when there's a tugging feeling right down at the corner of their hearts?

i feel sad.

i grieve for the people in Japan.

tears cannot possibly portray their sufferings.

Many have died. Many are missing.

Radiation levels are high.

After that painful ordeal in 1945,

After living in years of fear and suspicion,

yet another nuclear tragedy happens.

I pity the living.

for the uncertainties that will forever plague their lives.

I pray for their future.

I hope they have faith,

for faith drives people on, even in the bleakest of times.

Reading the news and commenting about this matter does not help the people.

However, the minuscule thought that goes to them might.

so, i think of them and i pray, for them.

And for the rest of the world.

awkwardness

i am,

at lots of times,

awkward with myself.

awkward with other people too.

especially when i'm in robot mode.

met my primary school friend this afternoon.

acted like a complete weirdo. yet again.

this is the least of my problems.

>.<" or at least i think so.

i am putting on weight.

i wonder why.

actually, i know why.

so yeah. :3

i'll bear with the weight.

i lived life as a hermit today.

secluding myself from the crowd.

just doing what i enjoy doing.

that is, lazying around.

mwahaha.

assignments, be done.

meaning: please find yourself a hardworking prey,

and come back to me when you're done. :D

:3

sometimes,

we all need a little superhuman powers.

to believe in ourselves.

to do the impossible.

to achieve our goals.

i believe in my intelligence,

after doubting it yesterday.

i believe in your intelligence,

for living life thus far.

there's this quote:

cherish sunny days as they last.

similarly,

cloudy days will come to pass too.

when trouble comes,

it just means that,

god has faith...

in you.

religions... my conscience?

well then, does a person have to have a religion?

what if, the person, a good person,

deemed moral by the community,

suddenly decides that he or she is an atheist,

but still is a compassionate sympathiser?

personally,

i go based on my conscience.

i believe that the rules of religion

were based on one thing, and merely that,

that is, a person's conscience.

i decide on things,

by referring to myself, as a human being.

i regard religions globally as one universal practice,

a threshold meaning to enshrine our core humanity.

i accept common cultures that are beneficial to many, and follow them.

however, i go by no religion.

or, as i might like to think, i go by all of them.

but how do i call myself then?

a conscience-r? XD

i go into the temple most often, and look at the statues.

i talk to them, and tell them how beautiful they are today.

because it is, after all, unfair for them

to be listening to a whole lot of grumbles and curses all day long.

i pray for happiness and health, peace and love, safety...

and well, sometimes, i try to speak myself out of my laziness.

this is me.

speaking about my conscience and my belief.

clarifying myself to myself.

as a homo sapien.

>.<"

oh. my. god.

i'm falling into the hole.

the hole.

the dark alley staring back at me.

glaring, in fact.

laziness.

go away. shoo. >.<"

addiction to the internet.

die. shoo. shoo. >.<"

sleepiness.

stop it. i'll give you your due when its time.

concentration.

return. i shall feed thy delicious food.

self- control.

do grow. i love you. 0o0.

Portia Nelson- There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

I walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...

I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place. But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in... it's a habit.

My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

found a book under my desk during bio period this morning.

seemed like an interesting poem to me.

therefore i copied it into my notebook, and blogged about it.

only to keep it forever available for me. ;3

saya bangat suka sajak ini. bangat bangat suka.

st. valentine's story...

*cow chua kah mun says:
sad sad story
maybe they didnt like him?
coz he's a casanova?

shalz says:
maybe hor
eh?
good thought
i shall read up on him
and do a thorough research
and get back to u

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha
good idea

shalz says:
maybe he dated the queen?!

*cow chua kah mun says:
wah!

shalz says:
therefore the king got angry?!

*cow chua kah mun says:
maybe

shalz says:
and then he kena chop?!
then the king was happy

*cow chua kah mun says:
most likely
XD

shalz says:
and so... was born valentine's day
0o0
hoh

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha
or maybe
he dated the princess

shalz says:
0.0
but why is he a saint then?

*cow chua kah mun says:
then he turned the princess into a monster

shalz says:
saints dont date, do they? ?0?
...

*cow chua kah mun says:
like shrek

shalz says:
monster...?
... =.=" XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
yes!

shalz says:
ok, then?

*cow chua kah mun says:
and den

shalz says:
oh i know

*cow chua kah mun says:
born the story of shrek lor?

shalz says:
bec the princess was a spoiled brat?!
eh...
like tht ah?
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
ah
i know
the princess was a spoilt brat

shalz says:
but shrek only mentions prince charming

*cow chua kah mun says:
so the God asked him to teach her a lesson
and he turned her into a monster

shalz says:
ahh
and then leh?
how come he kena chop?

*cow chua kah mun says:
then the king found out
asked him to return the real princess
i mean to her beautiful form
but he refused
and he started his tao wang zhi lv
but still
he got caught
when he was disguising as an old man
in the market
selling pots?
or vases?
the guards captured him
and bang!
he was locked in the jail
and there goes his head
becoz he was so thick headed

shalz says:
...

*cow chua kah mun says:
=='

shalz says:
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol

shalz says:
no lah
he didnt disguise himself as an old man
but as the new casanova

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol
good!

shalz says:
the princess soon forgot about st valentines
and got charmed by him

*cow chua kah mun says:
oo

shalz says:
and then...

*cow chua kah mun says:
and he fell for her too!

shalz says:
uhuh
and since casanova was of a very poor background
the king forbid the match

*cow chua kah mun says:
;o

shalz says:
he arranged the marriage of his daughter to a nearby kingdom's prince

*cow chua kah mun says:
noooooo!!!!

shalz says:
a place called far far away
T^T
and then

*cow chua kah mun says:
T.T
sad~~~

shalz says:
casanova a.k.a st. valentines
with his broken heart...

*cow chua kah mun says:
raindrops keep falling on my head

shalz says:
surrendered to the king
saying that...
T^T
since ur daughter betrayed me, i shall kill u instead!

*cow chua kah mun says:
o.O

shalz says:
( valentine became a mad man after the princess left)
shi lian zhua kuang zhen 14124

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha
lol

shalz says:
so he used a keris he got from god

*cow chua kah mun says:
keris?!

shalz says:
all the way from tanah melayu

*cow chua kah mun says:
sultan melaka?

shalz says:
yep

*cow chua kah mun says:
LOL!

shalz says:
to tikam the king

*cow chua kah mun says:
hang jebat and hang tuah's story
XD

shalz says:
as he charged forward, he uttered:

*cow chua kah mun says:
wow

shalz says:
mangkatlah sultan jahanam ini
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
hahahahaha

shalz says:
and
a ray of light shined

*cow chua kah mun says:
i didnt know western countries oso have sultan

shalz says:
got
they used to have

*cow chua kah mun says:
oo

shalz says:
but the sultans were all killed u see?
in the dark ages

*cow chua kah mun says:
and st valentines speak malay?

shalz says:
oh

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha
it's funny
XD

shalz says:
he teletransported himself to tanah melayu mah
i told u

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol!

shalz says:
he became mad

*cow chua kah mun says:
or maybe he should just jampi the king

shalz says:
therefore his powers were uncontrollable

shalz says:
eh... ya black magic
but cannot wor

*cow chua kah mun says:
den the prince took revenge for the father
lol

shalz says:
then they wont know who jampi-ed the king
no ending

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol
ok
so he stabbed the king
den?
did the king die?

shalz says:
no no
the king cannot die lah
if not who'll sentence him to be chopped?!
eh
ya
nonono
i change my story
the king dies
the princess returns

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol

shalz says:
for her father's funeral
during the funeral
princess: father~ FA..A.A... THER~!!! <>

*cow chua kah mun says:
hmmm

shalz says:
then somebody laughing in the dark
ngehehehe

*cow chua kah mun says:
o.o
valentines!

shalz says:
ur betrayal has caused ur pain todaY

*cow chua kah mun says:
but
the princess loved him wor?

shalz says:
gai si13
but still, the princess got married mah

*cow chua kah mun says:
coz it's an order ma

shalz says:
she should have had the guts to run away,

*cow chua kah mun says:
XD

shalz says:
or like romeo and juliet, drink poison
... 0o0

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha

shalz says:
XDD
so yeah

*cow chua kah mun says:
yea?
uh huh?

shalz says:
valentines... looking at the princess...
suddenly very sakit hati

*cow chua kah mun says:
urghghh

shalz says:
ran out of hiding

*cow chua kah mun says:
arghhh

shalz says:
and just charged at the princess

*cow chua kah mun says:
p...a....i...nnn
rawr!

shalz says:
ahhhhhhh

*cow chua kah mun says:
raaaarrrr!

shalz says:
JULIET!!!!


*cow chua kah mun says:
o.O?
lol

shalz says:
XDD
JULIET!!!
i loved u so...

*cow chua kah mun says:
i love you so much!

shalz says:
i love u...
yes. good one chua.

shalz says:
then he hugged her and told of what he had done to the king
he hugged her too tightly
sampai she suffocated
her face turned purple

*cow chua kah mun says:
hohohohoho
hehehehee
purple carrot
hahaha

shalz says:
yep
and out she vomitted a note...

*cow chua kah mun says:
dear valentine

shalz says:
saying that: i love valentine. u'll forever be in my heart

shalz says:
eh
u continue

*cow chua kah mun says:
*clap clap*
you will always be the only one in my heart

shalz says:


*cow chua kah mun says:
it doesnt matter if you killed my daddy

shalz says:
eh..

*cow chua kah mun says:
because
wait
i'm gonna kill you!!!

shalz says:
...

*cow chua kah mun says:
hahah

shalz says:
hahaha

*cow chua kah mun says:
and she took an axe from the air
since she's a monster
and chopped his head off
i'm so sorry but i love you
too much
lol
weird la
why dun you just continue from whr u ended just now?

shalz says:
fuiyoh
chua
ur version like anime punye

*cow chua kah mun says:

shalz says:
she turned into an akuma

*cow chua kah mun says:
akuma?

shalz says:
and avenged her dad's death
akuma is monster

*cow chua kah mun says:
oo
haha
LOL

shalz says:
i learned it from d-gray man
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
aish
let your imaginatin run wild night
XD

shalz says:
u still want me to continue?
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
yes

shalz says:
okay
after reading the note filled with i love u's

*cow chua kah mun says:
yes?

shalz says:
valentines regretted his actions
he kept on saying
i should've abducted her!!!

*cow chua kah mun says:

shalz says:
i should've destroyed far far away!
i should've ... should've... T^T
JULIET!!!!!!!!!

*cow chua kah mun says:
"LIKE"

shalz says:
ju...li...et....
uhuhuhuhuhu
in the midst of valentine's struggle with his own mind,
valentine was captured!
by the king! who resurrected from his coffin

*cow chua kah mun says:
deng deng deng

shalz says:
he said: gotcha!
with a wink
and then...
the king saw his daughter... on the floor... sudah mati...
he said: u evil monster. how dare u kill ur beloved?! i sent u here to spread love! not hatred!
(in reality, the king is God)
how dare u

*cow chua kah mun says:
o.o

shalz says:
u, as my angel of love
killing others

*cow chua kah mun says:
i'm wrong

shalz says:
i shall behead u for the sins u've done

*cow chua kah mun says:
pls forgive me
pleaseee

shalz says:
no.

*cow chua kah mun says:
i've lost my Juliet

shalz says:
never.

*cow chua kah mun says:
the pain

shalz says:
this. is ur mistake.
ur carelessness.
u must suffer!

*cow chua kah mun says:
the..... pa...in...

shalz says:
the pain?

*cow chua kah mun says:
n...n...ooo....
in my heart
its unbearable

shalz says:
well then, hell would suit u best, wouldn't it?

*cow chua kah mun says:
hahaha

shalz says:
XDD
come people!

*cow chua kah mun says:
i will bring Juliet with me
no one can seperate us

shalz says:
send him this evil monster to the gallows!!!

*cow chua kah mun says:
no one can tear us apart*

shalz says:
no.

shalz says:
she is my child

*cow chua kah mun says:
*drags Juliet's body*

shalz says:
u are nothing but a betrayer of love

*cow chua kah mun says:
*holds on to the hand*

shalz says:
guards

*cow chua kah mun says:
*cold cold hands*
NNNNOOOOOO!

shalz says:
chop the monster's hand of my daughter's body

*cow chua kah mun says:
You cant do this to me

shalz says:
shing!!!!

*cow chua kah mun says:
Arggghhhh
*blood spurts out*

shalz says:

*cow chua kah mun says:
aahhhhh

shalz says:
like strawberry fountain

*cow chua kah mun says:
my hands

shalz says:
X3

*cow chua kah mun says:
lol
my hands

shalz says:
out came 2 guards

*cow chua kah mun says:
you!

shalz says:
with 2 big axes
shing shing

*cow chua kah mun says:
you foolish old man!
you nvr knew the importance of me eh?

shalz says:
i have no need of an angel who has lost his mind
heart even

*cow chua kah mun says:
the people will never be able to find their true loves

shalz says:
and so?

*cow chua kah mun says:
it's a curse
NEVER!

shalz says:
i'll let them live a different life

*cow chua kah mun says:
i swear!

shalz says:
with polygamy and unfaithfulness available in each part of the world

*cow chua kah mun says:
we shall see

shalz says:
they will be happy

*cow chua kah mun says:
who's the ultimate winner

shalz says:
they shall
fine

*cow chua kah mun says:
i will make them suffer

shalz says:
chop chop
sudah mati lah

*cow chua kah mun says:
haha

shalz says:
so long never die wan

*cow chua kah mun says:
wrong timing

shalz says:
XD

*cow chua kah mun says:
XD

shalz says:
die die

*cow chua kah mun says:
urghh
*plonk*
*head drops*
*body wiggles*
*finger still pointing at king*
*2 round eyes staring at king*
you should say Amen
XD
and do the cross on the chest

shalz says:
amen
The Cross
may u rest in hell
XDD

well, this story was made up by chua and i. 0104.

p.s: just for laughs.... no offences whatsoever. :D

the great gravitational field strength 0.0

i think gravity's pulling me down.

0.0

i'm now an extra 2 kgs from last week,

5 kgs from my stable weight.

0.0

i suspect global warming

and the loss of water and land erosion

to be the cause of the lessening earth's diameter,

leading to a stronger gravitational field strength,

fluctuating my estimated weight value.

0.0

the gravitational force is oh-so-unpredictable.

i am officially confounded by its complexity.

where from the extra kgs came from?! >.<"

expand earth! EXPAND!!! X3

You Know?

0.0

i just realised that~

my best birthday present

is...

.THIS.

aih aih aih.

i ca't help but love this picture. =")

even with my shy pa looking like an inmate :P

by the way,

citappa flew to australia on wednesday.

shary, trini and cinamma left today...

dyi and i went with premnika, ranjinika, atte and aj.

aj was so excited,

she was mopping the floors of KLIA for free. =.="

even when she fell,

or walked into body shop's glass door,

all was well.

trini had fun chasing her around,

while shary played hide and seek with her.

cinamma's ma, aunty tina and her 2 boys were there too.

10+ year old ajav told trini:

remember to eat JUNK! JUNK AH~ XD

cinamma cried. shary cried.

sakit hati bila nampak mereka menangis. T^T

i think ajav cried in the car. XP

i'll miss them.

dyi will, pa will, a whole lot of other people will.

i'm already missing them.**

oh and,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

ma's been cooking everyday for us.

life, is good in every way. =3

except for the fact that i haven't started on my homework yet. XD

to vik and dai:

since vik ate mcd's and

dai ate cucumber pickle with rice for cny eve,

remember to ask for a replacement reunion dinner

when you're back in malaysia.

so that i get to eat ma's food again. XD

oh ya,

here goes... a big clap to appa! \(^0^)/

my pa is oh-so-smart,

appa~ you're so smart~ way too smart~ smart smart~

since my brain's a mixture of appa and amma's,

i guess i'll turn out average.

an average-r. =P

but ma's good at her work too...

>.<"

so i guess i'll be a good worker then? >.<"

stay safe, happy and healthy people.

don't eat too much for this festive season. 0o0

drink lots of water and have fun~